Mother as Gatekeeper to Conscience

With Mother’s Day still on your mind, let me dare to state the obvious: Children who have the good fortune to interact with their mothers a lot develop healthier consciences. There is even solid scientific research to support what most people have long sensed on this point.

The human conscience is part of the likeness to God that is built into us by our Creator. It is the internal monitor for behavior. It approves or disapproves our actions, gives us assurance to proceed or warns us about dangers ahead. But a person's conscience is like a thermostat. Someone has to set it.

In a study done a decade ago now, toddlers were encouraged to imitate their mothers in such simple actions as playing tea party or tending to a stuffed animal. The researchers indexed the children in terms of their readiness to imitate what they observed. Then, in subsequent sessions, they evaluated those same young children as they were enticed with prizes for games they could win only by cheating or breaking an object that had some value to them.

Here is how the correlation worked: Toddlers who eagerly imitated their mothers were more likely to follow the rules and more likely to exhibit a sense of guilt when they broke something.

I'm not a psychologist, so I can't offer any meaningful analysis of the experiment or how it was conducted. I'm just an ordinary guy who remembers his mother's influence in his life. I have watched my own children interact with their mother. And I have cringed at some of the undisciplined behavior I have seen in kids who seem to feel no guilt or remorse for irresponsible things they do.

The furor over “attachment parenting” explored in this week’s Time magazine article largely misses the point. It isn’t how long a child is breast-fed or put in a sling versus a bouncy seat; it is consistent and nurturing relationships with parents that create security and emotional health.

Maybe the fact that I didn't want my fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Whaley, to tell my mother about the words she heard me using on the playground that day is evidence to support what the psychologists have since measured. Maybe all of us who had mothers who invested energy in our moral and spiritual development have thought at times, "I hope my mom never finds out about this!" They forced us to think about our behavior until we internalized some values of our own.

If you are wrestling with a tough ethical dilemma, it might help you to think about your mother for a few minutes – even though Mother’s Day has passed.

            “My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction” (Proverbs 1:8 NLT).