The Unheralded Virtue

            Name a virtue that you admire in others and want to cultivate in yourself.

            So what word came to mind? Courage would have been a good answer, for so many people these days seem to lack the ability to confront their personal fears or to face life’s uncertainties with confidence. Another good answer would be justice; it is concern for the public good that demands we look outside our selfishness to meet others’ needs and to protect their persons and rights.

            Self-control or the ability to practice moderation and restraint might be your immediate concern; if you are battling weight or smoking or temper, it probably ranks high on your list of desired virtues. I dare to say prudence didn’t come to mind – though you might have used a contemporary term such as good judgment or discretion; it is the counter to thoughtless and reckless behaviors.

            Those four qualities – temperance, prudence, courage, and justice – are often termed the cardinal virtues to Western civilization. As far back as Plato and Aristotle, they receive praise. Add such names as Seneca, Thomas Aquinas, and Ben Franklin to the list, if you wish. These are praiseworthy traits. And all are consistent with the great ethical teachings of Judaism and Christianity.

            A virtue that gets little attention and practically no praise in modern settings is humility. Perhaps it is because our culture tends less and less to consult or quote biblical materials in its discussions of character. Perhaps, too, it is because we seem to have equated a healthy sense of self-esteem with personal arrogance.

            In athletics, we call it “swagger.” In the halls of the academy, it is “pomp and circumstance.” In business and high finance, it is “perks.” On the streets, it can be called anything from “attitude” to “posturing” to “respect.” And while none of these terms is evil or inappropriate, our shallow culture has come to define them in terms of a feigned superiority that lets one person or group step on another.

            So the football player dances in the end zone or over the opponent he tackles, and the pitcher in baseball pretends to be a gunslinger when he strikes out the other team’s cleanup hitter. In the university or company, the person who gets the promotion gloats over the one who didn’t. On the streets, she dresses like a whore and wants the reputation of being “a mean girl” or he works hard at the glare and manner of a thug. The result is not healthy self-esteem on display but boorish, uncivil, and cruel behavior – behavior of the sort that creates fights and vendettas when two persons or groups of the same mindset meet.

            Humility means acknowledging we all stand on others’ shoulders. We all know too little to put others down. We all owe it to the other person to hear her point and to try to understand his perspective. C.S. Lewis made this important point: “Humility is not thinking less of oneself but thinking of oneself less.”

            “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2).

I’d Rather Take the Blame

            Human behaviors are complex. Multiple contributing factors enter into all our decisions. Genetics deals us a hand we had no part in choosing; everything from gender to eye color to musical or athletic giftedness is nature. We are equally powerless about the life circumstances into which we are born; everything from geography to economics to educational opportunity is nurture.

            In its extreme form, the nature-vs.-nurture debate pushes us to account for human behaviors by factors fixed at or before birth; thus determinism says we do what we do because we cannot do otherwise. So a criminal should not be held accountable or punished because genetic factors “made her that way” to the degree that she could not do other than she did. (By the way, this same view means that no one should be praised, receive an award, or have a statue erected to himself either. He could not have done otherwise than he did.)

            Again, in its extreme form, the other side of this debate says that wealth or poverty, education or illiteracy, loving parents or parental abuse decides one’s behaviors; Skinner’s radical behaviorism, for example, holds that the patterning of childhood results in predictable and inevitable outcomes. Again, there should be neither praise nor blame, pride nor guilt. We simply do what we do.

            All of us instinctively know better. Do you do what you do because you cannot do otherwise? Or do you at least sometimes rise above instinct and desire in a given situation to do something else instead?

            Rioting in London, genocide in Darfur, greed on Wall Street, shootings on high school campuses, legislation in Washington – name whatever piece of disgusting human behavior has riled you recently. Now think of the talking-head explanations you have heard on TV for that action. Poverty, lack of after-school sports, capitalism, socialism, race, religion, video games – all these things and a thousand more get the blame for what has been reported. Time out!

            All the things named by the talking heads are contributing factors to a messed-up world – one fallen from and rebellious against God. That much is true. And the people of God must address them for the common good. But all of us must begin where we know we should – with personal responsibility.

            I resent, deny, and deplore anyone’s explanation of me that says I am a billiard ball or physical machine who cannot be other than I am. It is demeaning to say you are just atoms in mechanical motion, doing what you must do. There is no human dignity or worth apart from human freedom. If the determinists are right, they can’t even know they are right because they are simply thinking and saying what they cannot but think or say. The very fact that they try to convince the rest of us of their theories proves they believe we can choose to change.

            For one, I’d rather take the blame for being the sinner I am than to offer as my defense a self-defeating theory that denies I am even a real person.

Coming to Terms with Change

            It’s not part of the Genesis account, but I understand from at least one (questionable!) source that Adam’s words to Eve as they left Eden were these: “Darling, I perceive we are living through a time of radical change.”

            Okay. Even if one of the original pair didn’t say it to the other, it was true nonetheless. And it has been true ever since. The one thing that doesn’t change is that everything is always changing. Papyrus yields to computer, donkey to jumbo jet, garlic around your neck to penicillin – these changes in how we communicate, travel, and treat disease are known to all of us. Most of us are smart enough to be thankful to live on this side of all those discoveries.

            Yes, there have been some not-so-positive changes for which some of us are not so grateful. Families seem less stable. A what’s-in-it-for-me attitude appears to push aside concern for the common good. And, while people have always done evil things, they seem to be done not only on a grander scale but also with little sense of conscience or remorse about the consequences.

            Change, however, is the rule of life. We are grateful for some changes and are quick to adopt them. Others upset us, and we try to figure out how to hold back the tide of negative change. The one thing nobody can do is ignore it. Pretend it doesn’t happen. Think her or his life will be unaffected by it.

            Whether you own a business, build widgets, teach third grade, perform brain surgery, greet customers at Sell-A-Lot, or have been unemployed for 16 months, you can’t put your life on automatic pilot. Doing what you’ve always done in the ways you’ve always done it is likely a straight path to irrelevance and failure.

            Ever hear someone talk about “reinventing yourself”? Did you laugh at it? You’d be much wiser to take it seriously.

            Reinventing oneself is simply learning, growing, and adapting. On the one hand, you must identify the values and life-commitments that are non-negotiable for you; these are the things for which you will “take a bullet” – honesty, keeping your word, family and friends, etc. On the other hand, you test the waters of change to find out what customers need, what is hurting your family, or what is holding back your church; then you take immediate steps to change some things.

            General Eric Shinseki put it this way: “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less.” And the Bible’s call to change is heard repeatedly. Scripture puts it this way: “Repent. Or you will miss the kingdom of God.”

Roads Without Potholes

           After living in the South all our lives, my wife and I are Michiganders now. The (believable!) joke here is that The Orange Barrel is our state bird. A front-page article making that point ran in a Detroit newspaper the summer we moved here. Michigan winters are hard on highways, and summer repairs are critical. But those aren’t the sorts of roads and potholes I have in mind right now.

            Life is a journey. We map our roads to success and happiness. There are curves along the way, and we must not give in to the temptation just to coast. Okay. You’ve got it. Right? The notion of life as a road to travel has been used in the Bible, by Scott Peck, and in the vocabularies of practically all of us.

            There are no roads without potholes. So the people who get the most joy out of life are the ones who learn early how to deal with discouragement.

            Temperament appears to predispose some people to see the dark side of situations and to incline toward pessimism. There are external circumstances over which one does not have control. There are people who can make life harder for you as critics or enemies. But you are not helpless in the face of your disposition, circumstances, or critics. There is at least one thing you can control.

            Your attitude toward life is a choice you alone can make. There have been days when I have had to have a pretty stern conversation with myself. “Do what is right,” I said. “Do it well. Do it with passion. And leave the outcome to God.” Do you recall having some version of that conversation with yourself?

            Adopting a helpless posture in the face of challenge practically guarantees a sorry outcome. Unless someone rescues you from yourself – an unlikely option in most situations – you are going to lose the job, the relationship, or the dream.

            Did you hear about the jilted bride who placed an ad? “Hope Chest for Sale: brand new, half price, long story.”

            That’s quite different from the little boy playing right field for his Pee Wee League team. A latecomer leaned against the fence and asked, “What’s the score?” When the boy answered that his team was trailing 8 to 0, the kindly fellow said, “Don’t be too discouraged. Maybe your team will do better next time.” The kid didn’t even look up; he just said, “It’s okay. We ain’t been to bat yet!”

            The issue here isn’t to encourage you to be naïve or foolish. But a layoff, illness, divorce, bankruptcy, or moral failure doesn’t have to be the end. Believe it or not for now, the truth is that life needs to work the way it does. Apart from setbacks, we don’t develop character traits such as strength, courage, and endurance. Without challenge, we never experience the sweet taste of victory or joy. Apart from our own discouragement, compassion likely could not exist.

            “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you . . .” (Isaiah 41:10 NLT).

Play to Your Strengths

             Some people waste a lot of perfectly good energy wishing they could do things they can’t. They hear someone play the piano and say longingly, “If only I could make such beautiful music!” They watch an athlete, hear a stirring speech, or read a well-crafted novel and lament, “I wish I could do that!”

            My theory is that everybody is good at something and that the key both to achievement and satisfaction is in knowing what that something is – developing it to a maximal degree, and using it. In other words, play to your strengths.

            One young family I know has a daughter who is casting about to decide what she wants to do when she grows up. As with most seven-year-olds, she sees the world as her domain to conquer. She has ruled nothing out as yet. You have to admire that kind of optimism — and pray that nothing wrings it out of her.

            At the same time, her optimism must have a bit of reality mixed with it. So there has been a dilemma. Her current hot options are between being a rock singer and a star tennis player. The reality factor here is that she occasionally hits the tennis ball, but she never hits a note. So her mom and dad have had no great difficulty in deciding between voice lessons and tennis instruction.

            With grown-ups, time is more of the essence. We don’t have another five or ten years to cast about among unlimited options. So how do you find your strengths? Begin with four sheets of paper, and use these headings: (1) things that are easy for me, (2) things people tell me I do well, (3) things that make me lose track of time, and (4) things that are fun and fulfilling for me. Now circle the thing(s) that appear on all four lists. You’ve probably discovered your strength(s).

            Conventional wisdom may tell you to find your areas of greatest weakness and shore them up. Does that really make sense? You’ll probably never be more than mediocre at something you dislike, try to avoid, and feel frustrated doing. If you’re tone deaf, don’t waste money on voice lessons. Try tennis instead.

            It seems far wiser to explore your aptitudes, passions, and talents. Focus and develop your energies there. Become really, really good at something you enjoy. You will find tremendous satisfaction in generating excellence in your field. And the great likelihood is that people will reward you for it.

            “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God” (Ecclesiastes 2:24).