Merle
Jordan writes about standing on the edge of the ocean and watching a young man
and an older man row a small boat out to a larger one that was anchored at some
distance from the shore. The older man climbed aboard, went to the wheel of the
large boat, and brought its engine to life.
It
was the young sailor’s job to hoist the anchor. Struggling with the heavy, dead
weight was no easy thing for him. But it was clear the boat was not about to
move forward on its charted course until the anchor had been hauled aboard.
Jordan
uses that episode as a metaphor for his book Reclaiming Your Story. He
writes: “We are all anchored in the personal histories we inherit from a family
of origin. . . . Our maps of reality; images of God; values, beliefs, and
meaning systems; patterns of relating, communicating, and interacting; sense of
identity and self-worth; and emotional awareness and means of expression are
largely determined by our relationships and experiences in our families of origin.”
Haven’t
you seen that play out in the life of someone you know? An abused child never
learns to trust as an adult. Boys molested by men are often aggressive as an
antidote to feeling weak or afraid. Traumatized kids frequently overreact to
upsetting things with rage and horror. People who grow up with alcohol,
violence, or abandonment issues even tend to choose mates and business partners
who have the same traits. After all, they can relate to them.
The
Christian faith is about transformation. “If anyone is in Christ,” said Paul, “he
is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
But
some people never experience the new life Christ has made possible for them.
And often it isn’t their fault. They don’t realize they are repeating history
from their families of origin or their early life experiences. No one has
helped them fathom that those early experiences have them stuck in emotional
cement.
If
you have children, it is important that you look for and interrupt any
unhealthy patterns in your family history. You don’t want to pass them on to
future generations. Your leadership in business, community, or church will be
enhanced through an awareness of how those dynamics work. You can become the
catalyst for helping others find emotional and spiritual health.
We
sometimes need others’ help to pull up our anchors to the past in order to move
forward on the journey God has in mind for us. Be brave. Cut loose from the
dead weight. There is an expansive ocean out there for you to sail and enjoy.
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